I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
