i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
