I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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