I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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