I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
