i will never coherently bang her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
