I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
