lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
