I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
