we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
