If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
