i just google imaged poop.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
