I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
