you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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