dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
