Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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