I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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