Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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