is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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