the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
