While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
