I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
