Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
