ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
