I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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