we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
