I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
