Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
