P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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