He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
