I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
