Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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