I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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