Me. At least after what I've been through.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
