OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
