when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
