Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
