yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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