My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
