So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
