Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
