covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
