I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think i got beer on your cat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
