Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
