we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
