She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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