We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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