Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
