I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
