i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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